


After the Storm

by TangentQueenOfDragons



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Little bit of angst, Post-Mass Effect 3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shepard Survives, but also lots of happy stuff too, recovering after the war, she and kaidan are going to have a life together kay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-09 04:47:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4334408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TangentQueenOfDragons/pseuds/TangentQueenOfDragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Kaidan wondered if she would actually make it, if they would even try to save her, if the Council would want such a hero and living legend, or if they would much rather have Shepard be a martyr they wouldn't have to deal with.<br/>But they did save her, and she was going to live. The Reapers had been stopped, the universe had been saved, but inextricably altered, and Shepard was going to live.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been putting off uploading this, but I finally decided, hell, I'll go for it. I need Shepard and Kaidan to get their happy ending okay? They're not going to skip merrily to it, but they'll get there *clenches fist dramatically*

 

The waiting was agony.

Kaidan  had already lost her once. He thought of her smile, the memory of having her in his arms, and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle losing her again.

   He had been brought to a small village in the north of Scotland while a rescue party  searched through the rubble of the Citadel that was somehow still standing, just. The village had remained largely unaffected by the war, due to its isolated location and low population. Makeshift hospitals had been set up all over, along with refugee camps. He sat in one of the hospitals thinking of Shepard, wondering in what state they would find her, if they would even find her. If he would even have a grave to visit.

But she managed to best the Grim Reaper once again. It was starting to look like nothing could bring Commander Shepard down, but  Kaidan  couldn't be happy yet. She was in bad shape, and he wondered if she would actually make it, if they would even try to save her, if the Council would want such a hero and living legend, or if they would much rather have Shepard be a martyr they wouldn't have to deal with.

   But they did save her, and she was going to live. Apparently, they had had to tell  Kaidan  this four times before his brain finally registered the words. He hadn't allowed himself  to hope, but now it all hit him in a rush at once; the Reapers had been stopped, the universe had been saved, but inextricably altered, and  _Shepard was going to live_.

                                                                                    ..............................

   They had brought her to the hospital Kaidan had been in. It was almost a full day before she finally came out of surgery and he could see her.

Everyone was busy now, dealing with the aftermath in their own ways, and doing what they could to help, but the crew all made time to visit Shepard at least once, even though she still hadn't woken up yet. It was fine, the doctors reassured  Kaidan , normal after the injuries she has sustained, but he could not rid himself of the last seed of doubt until he saw her eyes. Then he would be able to stop holding his breath . 

It had been three days, and he had only left her side when he had absolutely needed to, and even then, only after first  Garrus, then Joker, then EDI had insisted he  go have a shower, go change his clothes,  go get something to eat, promising to stay with her until he came back.

   On the third night, he sat holding her hand, and began to wonder, what now? He had always wanted to serve, but now... well, he had been through a lot, more, even, than the average soldier, and considering the war they had just won, that was really saying something.

"Maybe an early retirement," he said aloud, half to himself and half to Shepard. "I doubt anyone would argue with us if we wanted one. If... if you wanted that." He paused, glanced out of the window. "I'd like that. We could find a nice, quiet planet. Get a little house. I could take up painting. I've always wanted to d o that. I don't know if there's anything you've always wanted to do. Huh. It's funny, isn't it? That I don't know that?"

"I've always wanted to try my hand at gardening."

Kaidan  jerked around to face a suddenly conscious Shepard. He stood, dropping her hand.

"Shepard! Um... you're awake."

She smiled at him, then frowned.

"The Reapers..."

"You stopped them, Shepard. You did it. Don't you remember?" 

"I..." The Catalyst. The... synthesis. "Yeah. I remember." She propped herself up against her pillows with a wince. "I thought I was a goner ."

"For a while there, we all did."

" I bet the Council is thrilled that I made it out alive."

Kaidan  huffed out a laugh and sat back down.

"They're having to deal with some... radicals who are under the impression that you should be made to answer for your decision to synthesise us."

"Would they rather be dead?" Shepard demanded.

"It was discovered that you could have used the Reapers to... destroy synthetics instead of organics."

"And they wanted me to do that?" she asked angrily. "They would rather I murdered millions of synthetics than... ah!" She fell back against her pillows, clutching her side. 

"Take it easy, Shepard. You have a lot of recovering to do,"  Kaidan  reminded her gently.

"After everything we've been through because of the Reapers... they still would have wanted to wipe out entire races."

"They're a minority, Shepard. Everyone else knows you're a hero. Heck, I even heard there was a baby born yesterday who was named after you."

She pulled a face. "I hope that doesn't catch on."

   They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before  Kaidan  cleared his throat and asked, "so, before, when you woke up. What... how much of that did you hear?"

Shepard smiled . "I think... something about a little house? That's the first thing I heard you say. Planning an early retirement?"

So she hadn't heard the first part.  Kaidan  didn't know if he was relieved or  disappointed . 

"Maybe. Kind of seems weird to think of, but..."

"I know what you mean. If you had asked me a year ago, I'd probably never have considered it. But after everything... I don't know. Returning to regular duty would feel weird."

"I agree. But would civilian life be any less strange?"

"Probably not. But it would be different."

   Shepard let out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling contemplatively. 

"I've always wondered if I would ever settle down. Get married. Have kids. It's not that I never wanted to. I just figured it would be something I'd decide on if the time ever came, and if it didn't, then it didn't."

"And now?"  Kaidan  asked.

"Now?" Shepard smiled slightly. "What do  _you_ want,  Kaidan ? When you picture that little house, is there anyone there with you?"

Kaidan  smiled, took her hand in both of his.

"Yeah. There is."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna post this yesterday but things happened lol.  
> Lil bit of fluff. Lil bit of sads

 

 

  Shepard was not happy when she was told she would need to remain in hospital for three weeks. She argued for almost an hour, but Doctor Virin, a no-nonsense Salarian  and the only doctor in the hospital with enough nerve to argue with her, threatened to have her strapped to her bed if she tried to discharge herself.

This did not stop her from 'gallivanting around the hospital just to be difficult', as Doctor Virin put it. Not that that was the reason. Well, maybe part of it was. Mostly, she felt like she would go mad in that room.

  Since she had woken up, it had seemed like there was an endless parade of people visiting her; the Council, all of them insisting in overly friendly voices that they were so glad she had survived, politicians and military higher ups of every race in the galaxy it seemed, all reading from the same script; 'the galaxy is in your debt, you're a living legend, what will you do next, we would love to offer you a position with us',  etc , etc. It was unrelenting and tedious and  _false_.  Of course, what they all really wanted was for her to stay away entirely. Or likely, for her to not have survived the war at all. But if she was going to remain in the thick of things, they all wanted it to be under  _their_   nose; to keep her close so they could keep her contained.

  "You're the most influential person in the galaxy now , which means you're the most powerful," Garrus had voiced on one of his visits. "That makes you a threat to anyone in any position of power."

"But I'm not interested in playing the political stakes. I'm not after some seat in the centre of the universe."

"So what  _do_  you want, Shepard?"

  He hadn't missed her glance toward the door Kaidan had stepped out of only a few minutes before. He could faintly hear him negotiating with Doctor Virin to let her go outside, just for ten minutes, because she needed some fresh air. Garrus could make out 'poor excuse' and 'lived on a ship'. He smiled.

"Thinking about retiring to civilian life?"

Shepard jerked her head to face him.

"What makes you say that?"

"Call it a hunch."

"I don't know, Garrus. I still haven't made up my mind on what I'm going to do yet. I want to... but..." She sighed. "What if I can't adjust?"

"Only one way to know for sure."

  The door opened and Kaidan re-entered with Doctor Virin, who was wearing the expression of a man who suffers fools regularly.

"Major Alenko says you wish to go outside for all the fresh air you obviously miss from spending all your time on a ship and visiting planets whose air you can't breathe."

"Not all of them had unbreathable air."

"Yes, well. A little fresh air might actually do you some good, so you can have ten minutes. But mark my words, Commander; for every minute you're late, I'll keep you in this hospital another day," he threatened. Shepard scowled at him almost petulantly.

"Don't you have other patients to bother?"

"What kind of terrible manners would I have if I didn't prioritise the welfare of the saviour of the galaxy?" he responded dryly. "And wear a coat. Catching your death now would be cruelly ironic."

  The thing was, Shepard liked Doctor Virin, and she could tell he liked her. He just had a tough love approach to his patients, and Shepard was an awful person to have contained to a hospital bed. But she wouldn't have been so hard on any other doctor, and in turn, he was hard on her, partly because she needed to be reminded that she was not the Commander of the hospital and could not just walk out because she deemed herself 'better enough', and partly because, surrounded by awestruck people, some of whom were genuinely either too humbled or too intimidated to even look her in the eye, she needed someone to treat her like a real person.

Kaidan helped Shepard into her jacket -  broken collarbones were, frankly, a pain in the ass - and they left for a quiet spot outside the hospital, saying goodbye to Garrus on the way.

"So, the air fresh enough for you?" Kaidan teased.

"Oh shut up. I do want some fresh air."

"It does sound a little like an excuse though."

"Well, I felt that saying 'I need to leave this hospital before I start screaming' wouldn't do me any favours." She pulled her jacket tighter around herself, shivering slightly from the cold Scottish air. "Doctor Virin is already letting me out earlier than he wants to."

"Good point. How are you feeling? Actually?"

"Like I'd rather go a few rounds with a Reaper than talk to one more diplomat wearing a fake smile."

Kaidan frowned.

"Too soon?"

"Too soon."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Dry humour is your coping mechanism." 

Shepard groaned. "Don't. You sound like Doctor T'Lora."

  When Admiral Hackett had visited her, he had presented her with a mandatory counselling order. Shepard had argued, of course she had, but he wouldn't hear it. The order had been given to every Alliance officer.

"If you were me, would you revoke this order for someone who had had the three years you have? If you can look me in the eyes and say honestly that you would, then by all means, I will."

Of course, she couldn't, and so the next day, Doctor T'Lora had payed her a visit.

  She was vocally insistent that she did not need a counsellor, but the Asari just smiled at her.

"Alright then. We'll just have a chat. What would you like me to call you?"

"Shepard is fine."

"Okay. Can you tell me how old you are, Shepard?"

  And with just that one question, she had been thrown. The simplest question there was. The one a child is asked almost every other day, the one with the answer you were supposed to be able to throw out thoughtlessly, because of course you know how old you are. You  _should_   know how old you are.

  The look on Doctor T'Lora's face told Shepard that she had expected her reaction. She laughed a self deprecating laugh.

"I don't know."

  They spent the entire session and then some talking about her death, about Cerberus rebuilding her. Losing two years and waking up in a world where things weren't all that different, but nothing was the same. How she often felt like she had lost parts of herself beyond the physical.

They kept coming back to how old she thought she was, thirty or thirty two, and she kept saying she just didn't know, that neither of them felt right, that she was half considering packing in the notion of age all together and just going with that old phrase, 'I'm as old as my tongue', except then she realised that she didn't even know if her tongue was  _her_  tongue, and God, wasn't she a mess?

"Both," she had suggested at the end of the session. "Or neither. I don't know. In between. Maybe I'll just say I'm thirty one."

  She had met with her two more times after that. Her sessions would become weekly after she was discharged.

  "How is that going?" Kaidan asked. Shepard shrugged her good shoulder.

"It's... helpful. We haven't even touched on the war yet," she admitted. "The 'official' start, I mean," she added a little bitterly. Kaidan hummed in agreement.

"Just remember that it's over now."

"I know."

"That's what I said to Doctor T'Nami. And she told me, 'I know you  _know_   the war is over. But do you really  _believe_  it?' And I realised that I don't, not completely. I feel like I'm always on edge, always waiting for the next attack, scared that we missed something. Afraid that I still might lose you."

  Shepard rested her head on Kaidan's shoulder, her black hair tickling his neck.

 "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Kaidan smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Except back to the hospital before Doctor Virin makes good on his threat to keep you in longer."

"He can try," Shepard muttered darkly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of love Doctor Virin. I wanna use him some more in future lol.  
> Shepard will be getting discharged next chapter and there will some nice shenko fluff yay lol. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed? Please comment and let me know what you think :)
> 
> Until the next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have had this up a week ago, but I've had an anxiety flare and I haven't been able to write. (oh well, better late than never. Plus I'm not sure anyone is even reading this fic soo... che sera, sera).
> 
> This chapter is just some nice shenko fluff yay. Hope you enjoy

 

  Finally, after what felt like three months rather than weeks, Shepard was discharged from the hospital. Doctor Virin gave her a lecture on having plenty of rest and making all of her check-ups.

"If you miss any, I'll readmit you and I won't discharge you again until you're fully recovered," he'd threatened. Shepard didn't argue with him. She was just glad to be leaving.

   She had been given temporary living quarters in a small flat above what used to be a café. Other recovering soldiers in the area were bunked together, but she had been given the space all for herself. She felt guilty, but also relieved; she didn't think she could deal with being around so many people right now.

   She settled back on the old, squashy sofa and held her hand out to Kaidan to indicate for him to join her. He took her hand, but didn't sit.

"Do you want some lunch?" he asked.

"I can make something, it's fine."

" Nuh -uh. Doctor Virin told you to take it easy."

"I hardly think that cooking constitutes as strenuous activity."

"Will you just sit down and let me take care of you?"

Shepard rolled her eyes, but smiled.

"Fine. But only if we cuddle first."

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan said, amused. He sat next to her and she tucked herself up against him. He wrapped his arms around her, being mindful of her injuries.

   "I got a call from Admiral Hackett yesterday," he said after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"He wanted to know if I would be returning to active duty after my recovery leave."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I hadn't decided yet."

Shepard waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"And..?" she prompted.

"You remember how you said you'd never made up your mind on settling down? And how it was something you'dthink about if it ever came up?"

"Yeah."

"Say... I brought it up?"

   Shepard moved so she could look at Kaidan.

"Oh?"

"Shepard..."

"Maria," she interrupted.

"What?"

"If you're about to talk about settling down in a little house, you should probably use my first name."

Kaidan laughed softly. "Good point. Okay. Maria."

   She smiled at hearing her name leave his lips. He didn't call her Maria often.

"Yes?"

He took her hand in both of his.

"I love you. And I know that we haven't had so much time together, but... if the last three years has taught me anything, it's that you shouldn't wait on the things that are important to you, because you can never know what's around the corner." He held her hand a little tighter. "If I could just wake up next to you every day, I would be the happiest man in the whole galaxy. I just want to be with you. If it's in a little house, or even a crater on Tuchanka. I don't care. As long as we're together. That's all I want," he finished simply. "What do you want?"

"I just... want to be with you, too. To know that you'll always be close by and that... I won't have to miss you anymore. Because you'll be here."

Kaidan smiled, bringing his hand up to cup Shepard's face. She leaned into the touch.

"Maybe not the crater on Tuchanka though."

Kaidan laughed and rested their foreheads together. "Okay. No craters."

"Sorry. Did I ruin the moment?"

"No, you didn't," he said, absent-mindedly playing with a strand of her hair. He kissed her lightly on the lips. "Now, why don't you just relax, and I'll make us something to eat."

   They ate potato and lentil soup and watched an old film, tucked together on the sofa, and when Shepard fell asleep just over half way through, Kaidan lifted her gently into his arms and lay her in bed. She half-woke as he was settling the duvet around her and mumbled sleepily.

"What was that?"

"Will you stay with me?"

Kaidan smiled and climbed into bed next to her. "Of course," he said. She nestled herself closer to him, asleep again in seconds.

Kaidan sighed contentedly. Within a few minutes, he too was asleep, more at ease than he had been in weeks, with Shepard's warmth beside him, solid and reassuring and alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter today
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think :)
> 
> Until the next chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Before anyone asks how she survived, it was through the sheer power of my denial lol.
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think! Leave a comment and let me know :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Until the next chapter


End file.
